I didn't major in English because I was a bimbo who wanted to obtain a fancy degree without exerting herself. Why am I still angry over this accusation? Because the real reason why I majored in English is so ugly, and my actual undergraduate experience was so bleakly painful, that all of my attempts at a measured rebuttal leave me shaking with rage. I loathe Becca.
By the way, I don't think the shrinking number of what I would consider to be good jobs in the developed world is wholly attributable to "lazy and uneducated youth"-- nor, by the way, have I ever made this reductionist argument*-- but I also continue to harbor serious doubts about the utility of lower-tier universities to students without money and connections. It isn't because I don't respect the professors who work there, either. See, once upon a time, I was an undergraduate at a top-tier university without money or connections amid snooty kids with both, and I learned the hard way that success-- nay, survival-- depends on you having as many inarguably valuable skills and worldly accomplishments as possible. You need to study a subject that everyone respects. You need quantitative abilities. You need prizes. You need to ignore the stereotypical conservatives who think you're a monkey as well as the stereotypical liberals who quote that wretched "Emerson" nonsense ** and urge you not to be ambitious. You need to avoid the snooty kids like the plague. I imagine this goes double for working-class kids without even a brand name to trade on come graduation. Wait, do these strategies even work for the latter in our current economy and educational system?
I am currently urging an undergraduate research assistant whom I like very much, a wicked-smart, hard-working, lively and compassionate first-generation college student from a Latino family with a keen interest in clinical work, to go to medical school. She's got "friends" who like to discourage her; I had those, too. I wish, with every fiber of my being, that I had found mentors during my undergraduate career. Maybe I would be farther along than I am now. I'm an older graduate student who doesn't manage her depression well and who lately struggles to catch up. I'll have to put up with snottiness such as Becca's on- and offline-- resentment over my admission to graduate school; resentment over my NIH grant; constant casting up of my undergraduate major to me as a "rebuttal" to any controversial argument I dare to put forth-- until I'm almost forty.***
I don't think I'm unfortunate. I think I have it pretty good, all things considered. I'm just done with being depressed, I think. I dislike my life right now and want to make a number of changes. And I hate people, which is why I didn't go to medical school myself.
* If I get caught up with everything else this winter break, I may read Erik Bryjolfsson and Andrew McAfee's Race Against the Machine: How the Digital Revolution Is Accelerating Innovation, Driving Productivity, and Irreversibly Transforming Employment and the Economy. Of course there isn't only one reason why competition has increased for what I would consider to be good jobs.
** I particularly despise this insipid poem. I have, in my heart, a special place of hatred for this poem.
*** And this is me exhibiting the optimism I inherited from my parents.
6 comments:
I dislike my life right now and want to make a number of changes.
Possibly the only positive thing to be said for discontent. Wind to your wings, lady.
PS: Any chance of a post on SfN?
Fuck Becca. What the fuck does she know about how hard a time I've had? She doesn't. Yes, I knew how to do algebra by sixth grade. BECAUSE I'M SMART, NOT BECAUSE I WAS A RICH KID WITH A FANCY EDUCATION. God forbid a spoiled fauxgressive like all the ones I had to endure in college give me credit for being smart, though. Anyway, the rich kids with Stanford and Berkeley alumni for parents probably knew how to do algebra before I did!
I don't have the opinions that I do on education merely because they're "mainstream". For starters, most of my opinions on education aren't precisely mainstream. But thanks for the blind, self-righteous condescension, Becca! If I thought as astronomically highly of myself as you do, maybe I'd never be depressed!
It wasn't mature, honest or constructive of Becca to use my comment as an opportunity to take her strange hatred of PhysioProf, the fact that it took her a decade to finish her PhD, and whatever else it is that's embittering her out on me. And her insulting me and then going, "I see why you believe that I insulted you, but I didn't" when blog comments are forever and the insults are plain for everyone to read! Anyway, why be so passive-aggressive about what you "really" mean? Why not either state, "Yes, I meant to insult your intelligence by telling you that my partner's had a harder time than you and that you only majored in English to get a degree from Berkeley, and I've adjudged you unworthy of admission to grad school based on the content of your blog besides" or "No. I didn't mean to imply those things. I owe you an apology for insulting you." Why not explicitly state what it is that you do think of me? Why keep on in this condescending vein of "but I the Queen found your comment worthy of engagement despite my ire" without apologizing to me?
Obviously, she wasn't in the least bit interested in engaging on the topic. She was solely interested in putting me in my place because I dared to criticize (the category of institution to which) her precious partner's alma mater (belongs). No more, no less. That is truly a dumb-ass reason to insult someone. Christ, I hate disingenuous, self-righteous people.
I rolled over when several other commenters did that shit to me. I'm not doing it now. Not in the mood to just swallow and smile.
Fuck. I just threw my cell phone into a wall. I have to stop writing about Becca.
Possibly the only positive thing to be said for discontent.
Yeah. I am done with all of this depression shit. I'm done being a pawn. I'm done with assholes. I'm done being nice. I'm done deferring to people. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines anymore. I'm fucking done with that shit. Everything has to change before I throw myself off a cliff.
I understand now why what I said insulted your intelligence.
People have been using the English major thing to dismiss and belittle you, and I should have realized that and not gone there. I am sorry.
For what it's worth, I do think you are blisteringly smart. It never even occurred to me that someone could know you and think you are not, or that you don't deserve to be in grad school.
If anything, I think your situation reinforces the point I was trying to make- a university can be judged in part by what they put *out* compared to what they take *in*.
Cal State type unis take in a lot of under-prepared students, who are often the first generation to go to college, who are often from different SES or ethnic/cultural backgrounds than those at "top tier" unis. They put out people who can compete with the best of them (although it may take a longer path in life to build up those connections which are admittedly very valuable).
Everything you've said about UC Berkeley makes it sound like they took a brilliant student, who had excellent preparation*, and destroyed some of her sense of trust in other people while giving her a degree that did not equip her well for pursuing all of her passions.
*Whether you realize it or not, algebra by sixth grade does represent unusually good access to education. I'm not saying you were not smart to master it at that age, but access to it is far from universal (even for smart kids).
If this is not what happened, I am sorry to have mischaracterized things again.
In my opinion, relying on skills and worldly accomplishments is not, in fact, enough. For anyone, least of all working-class kids without a brand name.
I think success- even survival- also depends on having people who are willing to help you. And that's someplace colleges of both sorts can do a lot more for people from backgrounds that aren't all privilege and ease.
P.S. I was pickled tink to realize that I have now gotten so old (and presumably senile) that I didn't even keep track of how long I've been in grad school correctly. Apparently, since I've been in grad school a decade, I must have started when I was 17. I am even more bizarre than I thought.
Whether you realize it or not, algebra by sixth grade does represent unusually good access to education. I'm not saying you were not smart to master it at that age, but access to it is far from universal (even for smart kids).
It's dangerous to draw conclusions from precocity, especially in mathematics. There are some neurodevelopmental steps necessary for algebra that kick in around 12 years old, some earlier and some later. For kids who are precocious in those steps, algebra early can be obvious -- and for those who make the connections later, almost nothing you can do will teach them the relationships sooner (although you can pound in the rules by rote.)
That's one reason I'm very leery of attempts to push early algebra -- it has far too much potential to ruin bright kids who would be great at math given time for neurodevelopment to catch up.
On the other hand, for kids who hook up the right neurons early algebra can be the next thing to obvious, even in an educational environment which offers little or no support for the mathematically precocious.
Hey MYS,
Are you still out there? How are you doing?
I am still here, suppressing the urge to waste my time and energy on posts about labmates who disrespect me and my cynical thoughts about the world. That would hardly be interesting. Thanks for asking. :)
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